If there’s one thing I lack in, it’s confidence (apart from beauty, brains and gold). Just the thought of facing people makes me want to dig a hole and crawl in and never ever come out again. That is how bad I fear people in general. My ex-boss told me I do have that connection with people – that I make people feel comfortable just being around me. I don’t know if they said it just to get me to stay on but I really doubt it because deep inside I’m quaking with fear. Every time I meet strangers, I just don’t know what to say to them. I know a handful of individuals who can easily open up and just reach out by talking. A lot. Perhaps that’s how they fill the spaces – by talking nonstop. I envy them because every time I open my mouth, the wrong things come out and I get really embarrassed because it gets painfully awkward after and yeah, the cycle repeats itself.

What I don’t get is how these people start a conversation, fill the spaces in between and end a conversation politely. Of course anyone can say, hey it takes a lot practice … and a lot of insensitivity (? There must be a better word for this because what I meant is ‘muka tebal’ in BM) to actually get to the point when talking to people becomes…less of a task, so to speak. Truthfully I am very self-conscious; I worry what people may think about me, I worry that I’m not likeable enough, that I could have express myself better than I did. It comes to the point where I come across as cold and proud when I’m just plain shy. Then other times what I could have said during the conversation occurs to me long after the (rather awkward) conversation has ended. Yes, I am that slow to catch on. Of course I could add unsubstantial inputs to at least lighten things up but when my brain shuts down, it really shuts down for good…

I’ve tried, I really have tried to be more alert, to be more expressive and to be more natural (the irony is that you don’t try to be natural, you just are) but then I come across as too smart for my own good, and again, a stuck up. Finding that middle ground is a lot harder than it seems. The funny thing is that when I’m tipsy, I get verbal diarrhoea (apart from the erm-). I remember one night when I was heaving my guts out after too much to drink, I was actually talking to people as if I was in an everyday conversation minus the “ah”, “I see” and “oh okay” (and that really awkward pause in the middle where you’re thinking what to say but nothing comes to you). In fact, I can still recall the conversations up to today and boy, if I weren’t doubling over with puke every 5 minutes, I thought I’d have gotten over my anti-social predicament. But I guess that’s not the case and hence-

But of course I can’t get myself high and tipsy before a job interview because who would hire a drunk to work for the company? That said, I don’t know how am I going to get through tomorrow or future interviews without wanting to throw myself off a building every time. But…it’s just an interview, why would I want to do that? Everyone will go through this same process, perhaps some more successfully than others. But at the end of the day, I will find myself in the work place, I will work (fight) my way up from there. That or I’ll fail miserably, at life in general because if I can’t even go through disappointment of failure than how am I suppose to stand back up and do it all over again – only better the next time? Ok, now I’m just quoting a page from one of those motivational books about how to deal with failure etc.

You know, it’s easier said than done. Because if it was as simple as it is, people wouldn’t use illegal ways to solve some problems.

Okay, now I’m just ranting about how unfair life is and going completely off tangent.

Moral of the story? Go out there, face it like a (wo)man and suck it up the way only I can. Because hey, what is there to lose? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Now excuse me while I go dig my own grave just in case.

If the group is not already divided, Uncle Max’s tweets are an indication that our worst nightmare has just come true (Even though a part of me can’t believe that maknae would do such a thing D:). Not to mention the new unit –

The fans? I don’t even want to go there, considering my own emotional turmoil (?). I’m seriously having 2^nd thoughts about supporting the three as a unit. Figures that SME/Avex talks probably didn’t go as they wanted to…but I can’t see them as an incomplete group. Only looking at JCS in their promotional photo for their Dome perf actually feels as if somebody stabbed me with a knife and then twisted it. Then reading Uncle Max’s tweets felt like rubbing salt on that same wound. I don’t even know what to believe in anymore because from what I can see is that DBSK seems impossible in the future (If DBSK does survive the present, you stronghold supporters can rub it in our faces. In fact I’ll be so happy they came through I couldn’t care).

I have more I want to get out of my chest, like why now? Why this? Why them?

I don’t know if it’s just me but all my other fandoms (light years ago and a whole different story) went down the same route. One or two members would just leave the band and it feels so so weird looking at them continue on with their careers like that that I didn’t even have the heart to continue supporting them. And then DBSK happened and they were the best thing that could have possibly happened and then this. Of course I’ve learned since that in this fickle industry no one can keep their promises of forever even if they repeated it like a mantra, even if they declared it to the fans countless times but that idealistic (immature, so sue me) part of me wants to know how far they could go, where they would go, watch them grow as individuals and as a group. I actually am rooting for them to achieve their forever, if not forever as a team, then forever as friends. But I guess even that seems like an impossible request at the moment (Maybe later when the dust have settled?).

Thank you, DBSK/THSK/TVXQ, however I may address you (lol) for being my happy pill these 4 years. Thank you, Lee seon saeng nim for creating and raising this awesome group and co-creators, SME for supporting them this long even though all of you are now trying to snuff out their light (D:<). Thank you Avex and Uncle Max (despite your moment there O.o) for being the biggest supporter, confidant, aide to the boys all these time they were in Japan. Thank you, Cassiopeia and Bigeast for everything you can possibly do for them since the beginning – giving these ‘stars’ the chance to glow brightly in the sky. Thank you, fellow SMTowners, sunbaes and especially BoA for first introducing them to the world and showing them the ropes to showbiz. Last but definitely not least, thank you Junsu, Yoochun, Jaejoong, Changmin and Yunho’s papa and mama for giving us such lovely sons (*bows in absolute respect*). Who else have I not thanked? Oh right antis, detractors, critics and the media at some point cause seriously, without you, the boys wouldn’t have worked their asses out just to prove all of you wrong, and to triumph as they do now (…erm, then. Never mind.)

So I guess it is goodbye for now? Until they return as five (yes, I still believe it’s possible dammit. Call me a ridiculous indecisive optimist but I only see 5. Even though I’m tired of all the drama that’s been happening )’:)

Adieu TVXQ fandom (?) Still keeping the faith.

As for Tohoshinki, nobody’s putting down their mikes just yet. But fans are more divided than ever over JCS and their big project because where’s HM in all these big plans? The worst that can happen is when fans start blaming one side for performing together without the other side…And why am I talking about ‘sides’ now? There are no sides.

There is only 1, nevermind that ’1′ is on hiatus right now.

Still keeping the faith (?)

Got a job? (okay, not exactly certain yet but still ) Check

Learning Mandarin? Check

Set a goal for next year? (Japan here I come!!!) Check

Found the love of my life? . . . <— New Year’s revolutionOh-Em-GeeEngrishfail resolution (Keyword: Tall, Rich and Handsome . . . any candidates? XD)

2009 so far? – Other than the fact my favorite band is in shambles, and I was practically living in the basement,  I guess it ain’t so bad… Ok, I lie. Definitely one of my worst years but things are beginning to look better in time. I can only hope for that to happen because I’m kinda considering moving to an isolated island not located on the map . . .

On a whole different issue, results are coming out? I have as much confidence in myself as the size of the ants running around the house lately – not very good news, aye?

Truthfully, yes, I do treat this job as a stepping stone and for experience… for at least 1 year. But I was completely bought over by the work culture and organization structure I don’t mind looking at it in the long term. Sadly, that’s not what others have in mind. Oh well, we’ll see how things go.

With MCs

credit: lbl04 @ youtube

To be honest, I think they didn’t bother much with the techniques and just concentrated on singing their hearts out (fans cheering really helped fuel this). But 5 on stage . . . *sniffles* (~I’ve been waiting for so long~).

In June this year, I had this reallyreallycoolpleaseletitbereal dream of Junsu (in my room, I’m not kidding) asking to borrow cash from me (30 bucks lol). Apparently he didn’t have much and even his manager tried to tell me this in English (because apparently my half past six Korean can’t work in dreams either…>_>). I lent him because why wouldn’t I? Plus he promised to return the loan later (up to this day he hasn’t though >_>). By the end of July/ early August, we hear news of the three caught up in the lawsuit pertaining to their exclusive contract and as we all know, unfair income distribution. The connection? Junsu obviously isn’t earning as much as he should to the point he has to loan money (even if it’s in my dream ). The argument? Why didn’t JaeChun appear in my dream too considering they are part of the lawsuit? Don’t ask me, but I guess it’s ’cause Junsu is my favorite member? (But I love the other four just as dearly too ^^)

Around September, I had this dream of Hyunjoong from SS501 whereby he and I were cousins (Nope, not directly and indirectly related to the guy). He came down to Malaysia for a visit and I was told to be his ‘tour guide’ considering that we’re tonggeup. I just found out recently (forgive me for not paying much attention to any other group but) that ss501 did indeed first go to Sabah for a photoshoot and then came down to KL, or more specifically to One World Hotel (which is near where I live yet…) in September for an autograph session (Now where in the world was I when this happened? *OTL*).  The connection? I foresaw Kim Hyunjoong coming to Malaysia. The argument? Why only leadasshi? Maybe because he’s the most popular member of the band? (And he’s also JaeChun’s bestie…anyone related to TVXQ gets my attention too )

Recently, in the beginning of November, I had a weird dream of the boys and I gladly say that all 5 of them were together in there. The funny thing was that Jaejoong cried in said dream and Yunho was actually consoling him (Yes, you heard me right. Band parents are back together!!! Even if it’s only in my dream ). The connection? MAMA’s where Jaejoong was said to have cried. Also, TVXQ will be reunited in Japan, just as was in my dream. The argument? None.

[I had another dream where they were all posing in front of a camera as if they were shooting either another 'Doushite' type MV or some CF...don't ask]

Ok, so I only had these so-called ‘prophetic’ dreams of TVXQ. Maybe if I was more in tune with other bands I could have foreseen their problems too? *shot*

The lovely voices of a group of International Cassies remaking TVXQ’s popular ballad:

Miduhyo English Version
A message from fans to Dong Bang Shin Ki

5 God Of the East or 5GOE’s “WE BELIEVE” Project (part 1)

Lyrics by: Meimei and Yzze
Arranged by: Yoona
Singers: Neru, Eeeney, Yoona, Yzze, Meimei, Raemi

Also, I should have posted these good news when they came out but I got lazy ^^;;

[NEWS] 091029 TVXQ will Resume Activities in Japan

After the last October 27th Court decision of terminating some effects of exclusive contract, the five members of TVXQ will be back to Japan and resume their activities there.

On the 29th (today) Daily Sports Japan met TVXQ’s official from their signed Japanese label AVEX, and as quoted from the official, TVXQ members should be back to Japan to continue their full activities this fall.

The official did not mention a specific schedule, however he said that the year-end events such as “The 51st TBS Japan Record Award” (organized by Japan Composers Association) and especially “The 60th NHK Uta Gassen” are included in the current schedule.

According to Sankei Sports on the 29th, the popular group Tohoshinki will also participate in theme song for NHK new drama “とめはねっ!铃里高校书道部” that is starting on January 7th next year, the song is entitled “BREAK OUT!”

NHK side commented, “We’re gathering image as Tohoshinki is one of the most popular group in Japan right now.” While TVXQ leader U-Know Yunho said about their new song, “We hope through this song, we can give even just a little cheering hope for the youngsters.”

Source: chaehee@yna.co.kr
Trans: sharingyoochun@wordpress

[News] 091123 TVXQ Back on TV!

Korea’s popular idol group TVXQ, said today that it will resume its activities in Japan.

The group announced through its official homepage that it would be appearing on Nihon TV’s
“Best Hits Song Festival 2009” on Wednesday and Fuji TV’s “FNS Music Festival” on Dec. 2.

It will be TVXQ’s first public appearance together since they performed at
the A-Nation Osaka concert on Aug. 30.

Meanwhile, the main office of Japanese state-run broadcaster NHK announced that,
carrying on their schedule from last year,
TVXQ would appear on the network’s annual year-end variety show, Kohaku Uta Gassen.

Always Keep The Faith!

source: Joongang Daily News (A Korean News Paper Company)
shared by: OneTVXQ.com { One World. One Red Ocean. One TVXQ! } and sharingyoochun @ wordpress
Feel free to repost, but please leave the full credits intact. Thank you

First of all, YAY? It’s been ages since we last saw them as group and I really hope that after all that has happened in Korea, their working relationship (and most importantly their friendship) is kept in tact in Japan. Because even if they are not on the same page regarding their contract with SM, I hope this doesn’t deter them from hanging out and eating together.

Also congrats for being invited to Kouhaku again, boys guys. They deserve this honor more than anything for working theirbehindsoff hard to achieve this success in Japan. Betterluckin3yearstime,BigBang:P

Check out their awesome new single due in January:

Break Out!

credit: FrinmrLvTVXQ @ youtube

Plus, I didn’t havetheheartto write about this becausetheyarenot5 but Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu appeared in the MAMA’s to accept an award as ‘Asia’s Best Representative’ last Saturday (21/11).

TVXQ’s heartwarming appearance at the MAMA’s

TVXQ members Youngwoong Jaejoong, Xiah Junsu and Micky Yoochun showed up at the Mnet Asian Music Awards (MAMA) as promised and delivered a very heartwarming acceptance speech.

On the 21st, TVXQ was awarded the “Best Representative for Asia” award.

Xiah Junsu stated:

“It’s been a long time. It’s an honor just to be able to attend such a huge event, but being able to receive an award, thank you so much. This award is not for one single member, but because all 5 members have put forth so much effort we are able to receive it. Thank you so much to all of our fans in Asia for allowing us to receive such a huge award.”

Micky Yoochun stated:

“I think this is the first time I’ve wanted to sing so badly. After becoming a singer, I was able to meet such great members, that’s why I think we are able to be here. We will work even harder to expand beyond Asia. We hope for even more support than now.”

Youngwoong Jaejoong stated:

“I can’t be happier because this award is coming directly from the fans of Asia. To our fans who are watching and possibly our two friends who are watching, I wanted to say that I love you.”

Although Changmin and Yunho were unable to attend due to SM Entertainment’s boycott of the MAMA’s, all three members, especially Jaejoong made it clear that TVXQ is still as close as ever.

credit: allkpop

The video

credit: dbskshineelove @ youtube

(Off tangent: I spotted Michelle Yeoh!! *proud Malaysian* )

Truthfully, the award is random but hey, the three finally stood in front of the fans right? Even though they are missing two of their bros, Jaejoong managed to convey his love to the pair (were mentioned two watching at home that night? Judging from some stalker pics from the same night, I doubt so -.- ). But hey, as much as there is uncertainty when he said – quote unquote – possibly our two friends who are watching but at least they are not sidelining Yunho and Changmin. Junsu even said that the group as Asia’s representative is the work of all 5.

[So to all of you naysayers and so-called fans, please keep your unbecoming thoughts to yourselves when making comments about JaeChunSu or HoMin. What they decide for themselves and what we want for them are two different things. Respect their decisions. If they had a choice this wouldn't have happened at all. We don't know what really goes on behind the curtains before and while they are going through this. It's sad how some fans can't look at this situation objectively and support them as the same group they were before this problem even occurred. I know and understand that you feel cheated, that what they preach all the time of being 5 and close seem to be hollow words because at some point too I got tired of all the drama and even felt the same way (yeah, to the point where I really really wanna rip all those posters adorning my walls into shreds and break some CDs ToT). But here I am preaching reiterating the same words your fellow fans who are supporting 5 (fanvideo above is testament enough no?) rather than taking sides and pointing that accusing finger as you do: Believe in 5. There is no absolute right or wrong in this. Look at it both ways: I think that yes, the group do owe SM the training, the chance to debut, the successful promotions that follow and everything that SM could provide them, which is basically the best of the best and in return, SM has the right to expect exclusivity of their (and all other SM artists) loyalty and services. On the other side of the same coin, SM's monopoly over their artistes including what they should and can do - to the point of driving them to exhaustion and the restrictive limits to pursuing their own activities, the near negligible percentage of their pay out of the profits despite being an Asian star and many more disadvantages to the group just goes to show that SM's domineering behavior has negative impacts on their well being as humans. JaeChunSu never said of breaking off completely from SM despite the annulment of the exclusive contract; I do believe that all they are fighting for is a balanced contract, one that is a win-win situation for both them and SME. HoMin who sided with SM, never said they want the band to split; they just feel that Crebeau is shady business that JaeChunSu shouldn't have gotten entangled with (and I agree with them on this). The bottomline: TVXQ still wish to stay a team. So why can't we fans support this shared wish? I know not all of us can see it the same way as the majority but if you are all going to further rub salt into our (and TVXQ's) wounds with your negative words, then you're not worth calling yourselves fans, no? Another word of advise: read past all those sensationalized media prints and gossip blogs, and concentrate on this: Why did you support TVXQ in the first place? If your answer to this question is because TVXQ looked good, then it's pretty obvious what kind of fan you are. Oh by the way, Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu are still part of TVXQ. Just because Yunho and Changmin aren't there with them doesn't mean they can't be on stage and accept the rathermeaningless=P award as a TVXQ representative. Why should an SM rep irrelevant to TVXQ accept the award for them? Unless said SM reps are Yunho and Changmin then I'll gladly accept SM's decision to send the reps. ;P ]

And after that major rant, we have this:

[News] 091123 Fan Accounts About TVXQ’s Appearance in MAMA

My friend who went to MAMA yesterday… she was one of the Cassies who moved out of the way for JaeChunSu as they left.. and she overheard the staff talking.

Staff 1 – “Hey, did you see YoungWoong Jaejoong cry?”
Staff 2 – “Of course I did. I saw him crying silently and it was so sad that I felt so bad for him.”
Staff 1 – “They must be going through hell.. All three of them lost so much weight..”
Staff 2 – “Of course it’s hard for them… Micky Yoochun and Xiah Junsu were holding back tears..”
Staff 1 – “I feel so bad for them..”
Staff 2 – “Now that I think about it, it’s the first time I’ve seen YoungWoong Jaejoong cry. He used to hold back his tears even when they won the biggest awards. But to see him cry so hard that he didn’t care about what he looked like.. Phew.. I pity them..”
Staff 1 – “They’ll survive this well, they’re young.”

+
As the three were getting off the stage..
The fans started shouting “Miduhyo! Miduhyo!”
and YoungWoong Jaejoong apparently couldn’t hold it back anymore and burst into tears..
A Cassie overheard some of the staff talking
and they said that they had never seen YoungWoong Jaejoong cry so hard before….
He cried so hard that his screwed his face up and just let it out, not caring about what he looked like…
It hurts me to think of them in such pain…..
Also, in the parking lot, someone yelled “I believe in TVXQ!”
and the three stopped their car.. <Yuaerubi Cassie>

+
Yesterday, the three boys didn’t have bodyguards with them so the reporters were all over them so the Cassies acted as their bodyguards
And when they were leaving on the van that they had borrowed
A Cassie stuck a ‘Miduhyo’ sign on the car window
so the three stopped the car. So they could see it more, so more Cassies could stick these signs on their window.
And when the van was leaving, the Cassies acted as blockades so that the three could leave safely.
Our kind Cassies ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ